A journey to impermanence and detachment.

On January 21th 2012  my sister was transferred to ICU in Ottawa with a critical  health issue which nearly took her life away.
After spending 8 days in a highly stressed environment, I felt scared, confused and peaceful all at once. It is like my fear of losing my sister has come to reinforce my acceptance and understanding of the laws of impermanence and detachment. During the time I visited her at the hospital, I nervously felt like filling up a gap with answers and reassurance to feed my  mind. Because of the overwhelming nature of the situation, I also had to let go of all the scenarios about what could or what would happen to her if...
When pushed outside of our comfort zone, we as human being always try to search for an answer, a lesson to learn, or a  meaning. I don't understand? Why me? What is happening? The truth is, life doesn't need to justify itself, nor it needs to give us  reasons for creating, maintaining or destroying. Nobody knew exactly what happened to her. Even the most qualified doctors didn't have all the answers.Our ego mind excels at searching, wondering and questioning in an infinite loop until we fall into a maze.We must welcome the reality of our life whatever it is we are facing, like we breathe in and out automatically. It is the fastest way to free ourselves from suffering. Retained feelings and painful  memories can be toxic to our mental health . Like our  lungs release carbon dioxide, and allow oxygen to nourish our body, the mind has to process the same way what he lets in and out. Most of us have coping mechanisms to deal with personal issues Exercising , communicating, and creating, are some of the possibilities to channel in a positive and a constructive way the negativity generated by a trauma. But what if coping is not sufficient to alleviate the psychological and physical effects of a traumatic experience? When I was waiting at the hospital for my sisters to wake up, I  tried to meditate, to talk to people, or to entertain myself, but none of this actually worked at that time. Then I decided  to allow the void within, without trying to fill up the blank. My sister inspired me, when I observed  her trusting intuitively the process of her serious situation, as she surrendered to life with no attachment to outcome, as she surrendered to the void. How much do we truly know about ourselves until we stop hanging on to our intellect and our certitudes to rule our existence? The void is the infinite solver of all questions, because there are no response to be found, nothing to understand or to grasp. From that space, I found just enough serenity within to help me keeping mental clarity during this time of confusion. It seemed to be the secret path which lead me to stay in the "here and now". It is a short bypass to avoid the trials and tribulations of the ego mind, often on a quest for irrevocably, continuously and compulsively trying to explain what is not always understood.